The “I’m home and watching the Home Run Derby so why not live blog it as well?” Live Blog

It’s official…Jonathan Papelbon is out of the All Star Game because he wants to rest the arm.  That makes me very happy.

I don’t get Kevin Millar doing pre-derby coverage.  That makes me a little cranky.

ESPN just showed Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire together when Mark broke the homerun record with the voice over "Has baseball ever been like this?"  And someone responds "It’s because of those two guys right there!".

How sad that is.  How tainted and very sad.

7:52 – Apparently, they are going to show 8 more minutes of homeruns.  Ooh look, Bucky Dent…Dave Henderson…Aaron Boone…Big Papi…Jim Edmonds…something to p1ss off every fan!

7:56 – Do they show "Flomax" commercials so women won’t watch sports with their men?

7:57 – Mariano Rivera doing something he never does in the Bronx…smiling.

7:58 – Jonathan Papelbon has clearly stated he won’t be playing in the ASG…that doesn’t stop Karl Ravech from mentioning that he might be one of the closers tomorrow night.  Stellar work, Karl…you must really do your homework.Cowboytroy

8:00 – According to Ravech, Ryan Howard is David Ortiz, Jr.  Um…no.

8:00b – Big and Rich are opening the Home Run Derby.   I like Big and Rich but apparently not live.  My ears…they bleed.

8:02 – Okay, I have to admit…I  love me some Cowboy Troy…except they didn’t even bother to show him.  If you aren’t going to show Cowboy Troy, dammit, shut the band the heck up and start the dam ‘Derby’!

8:05 – For the love of God, ESPN, it’s a meaning less HOMERUN competition, not a freaking war.   Oh God, it’s here….his voice. 

8:06 – Why does God let a building in New York collapse today but he can’t give Chris Berman laryngitis?

8:07 – MLBlogs own David Wright gets introduced.  Oh he looks so happy to be wearing bright yellow.

8:08 – Jermaine Dye.  Think Papi will smack him with his bat?

8:08b – He called Papi "Pappy".  Like Popeye’s dad.  Big Pappy. Good freaking God.

8:09 – I stand corrected.  Ryan Howard certainly is David Ortiz, Jr.  Holy cow!!!!!!

8:10 – The he11?  We get Chris Berman AND Joe Morgan?  Jeezus, God is p1ssed at baseball fans tonight.

8:11 – "Krukie, Ravie and Joe".  Apparently, Berman doesn’t think enough of Joe Morgan to give him a cute little nickname.

8:12 – It’s freaking twelve past eight.  Could they drag this out any longer? 

8:13 – Berman sounds suprised that Bill Mazeroski is getting a standing ovation in Pittsburgh.  Yeh, that’s stunning isn’t it?  "Do you think they remember 46 years ago?", he asks Harold Reynolds.  There are no words for how stupid this man is.  I’d better see a "You’re with me, leather" sign soon!

8:15 – It occurst to me, as Miguel Tejada gets ready to hit, that if I’m typing it’s going to be tough to spot the "YWML" signs…

8:16 – If the guy on the PA system will shut up, we could start this thing.

8:17 – One out….one homerun.  Okay, which guy on Deadspin said it was going to be tough/boring to live blog this.  Tejada has two outs, one homerun.  He’s let many go by.  Hope I’m not supposed to be counting those.

8:18 – I’m  not going to worry about play by playing.  Y’all have bigger issues if you’re watching the Home Run Derby on my live blog.  πŸ™‚  (Unless, of course, you have no ESPN access…in which case you really don’t know how freaking lucky you are!!)

8:19 – Tejada has another homerun.  Berman doesn’t seem to care.  Only got a weak "WAY back!".

8:20 – Two homeruns, 7 outs.  Woo-hoo, this is fun. 

8:21 – In the time it took me to save, he got two more outs.  1 more to go on the "Gold Ball".

8:22 – "Gone".  That’s it, Boomer.  "Gone"?  Tejada has 3 homeruns, that last one on the "Gold Ball".

8:23 – Miguel Tejada stinks on ice.  3 homeruns.  What up, Miggy?

8:24 – Absolute cuteness alert…David Ortiz with his little one D’Angelo…D’Angelo has Manny hair.  There has to be a picture of the two of them somewhere when this is all over.  Lance Berkman is up next.  But first, twenty minutes of commercials including the All Star commercial with no Red Sox players in it. 

8:26 – Lance Armstrong ESPY commercial.  There have been many pictures of Lance biking with Matthew McConaughey and Jake Gyllenhaal.  How brave of him to hang out with the supposedly bi-guys, eh?  (Slight pause while I smile at Jake and Matt together…)  Jake will be at the ESPYS for whatever reason.

8:27 – Back to baseball.  Nothing homoerotic in this sport.

8:28 – Lance Berkman will try to beat Tejada’s amazing numbers.  If only Karl Ravech will shut the he11 up.

8:29 – Is this really the type of competition that you need to speak over?  A pitch, a homerun or an out.  Pretty much covers it.  Ravech just called Berman "Boom".  As in "Boom goes the dynamite with leather"?

8:30 – Berkman has eight outs and one homerun that Harold Reynolds thinks should have been an out.

8:31 – Oh happy day.  Berkman has two homeruns.  Nine outs and the "Gold Ball" that Berkman hit out.  Berman says "Ravie" again.

8:32 – Berkman humiliates the state of Texas by tying Tejada with 3 homeruns.  God those jerseys are ugly.

8:36 – I’ve totally ignored poor Miguel Cabrera…hope you weren’t hanging on my words.  πŸ™‚  Cabrera has two homeruns and two outs…at least he’s pacing himself.

8:37 – Pudge Rodriguez looks sickly compared to how he used to  look.  How much weight did this guy lose?

8:38 – Another homerun and another two outs for Cabrera.  That puts him at 3 homeruns and 4 outs.  Make that 4 homeruns.  He just kicked Berkman’s and Tejada’s butts.  Five outs.

8:39 – Is Berman saving his voice for the second round?  Cabrera hit another homerun but if you weren’t actually watching you would have never known.  6 homeruns and 8 outs.  Mssrs Tejada and Berkman, have a seat.

8:40 – Hey, Cabrera got a "back, back, back" from Berman.  8 homeruns, 9 outs…"Gold Ball" coming up – and "Gold Ball" going out.  9 homeruns and another "Gold Ball".  Cabrera makes his last out.

8:42 – Pay attention folks, this is important.  Tejada – 3, Berkman – 3, Cabrera – 9.  I’m blind from the excitement.

8:43 – Troy Glaus is next.  I’d write more but this stupid new "What’s a rally monkey" Chevrolet commercial makes me want to poke my eyes out with my thumbs.  We love "expansion teams"?  It’s times like these when it’s a good think I can’t write "****" on MLBlogs.

8:47 – Slight pause while I go girly.  Troy Glaus is a freaking hottie!  Wow, the things I miss…

8:48 – A hottie with one out and one homerun.

8:50 – Make that eight outs.  Eight outs and one homerun.  Okay, so apparently the cutest guy isn’t going to win (although, I’m sure Zoe will disagree with that!!!)

8:52 – One homerun.  Troy, Troy, Troy.  They’re going to trade you to Tampa Bay.

8:53 – All right.  I’m no grandma…but David Wright, what’s he 12?????  Good lord, I’m old.  πŸ™‚

8:54 – Let me update ya’ll…heaven forfend we lose sight of what is important: Tejada – 3, Berkman – 3, Cabrera – 9, Glaus -1.  Can you feel the excitement?

8:54b – Paul LoDuca is pitching to Wright.  That’s adorable.  David is 1 and 1.

8:55 – Oh man, don’t ask Joe Morgan what he thinks!!!!!!!!!!!  He’ll TELL you.  What is WRONG with you, Ravech??????

8:56 – Is Berman wondering what the he11 he’s doing there?

8:57 – David has three homeruns and three outs.  Is it bugging anyone that I keep switching from writing out the word to writing the number?  Hey, I have to liven things up, you know.

8:57b – Wright has six homeruns and 3 outs.  (See what I did there?  I mixed it up in the same entry.  Where else can you get this kind of excitement?)

8:58 – I’m pretty sure I hear Zoe cheering all the way here in Boston.  Wright has 8 homeruns on 5 outs.

8:59 – Berman talks over homerun number 9, but "back back backs" and "gones" number 10.  Six out.

9:00 – I get it now.  They’re only going to go to Berman when the guys are hitting well so he can yell.  That’s a great plan, ESPN.  Thanks a pantload.  Wright has 13 homeruns and tells us "I’m tired!"…he’s as cute as a little bug, isn’t he?  15 homeruns.  I’m glad that they’re letting the guys carry these over to the next round.  It’s about time they changed that rule.

9:01 – I just lost the audio feed for a minute…did Wright just swear?  Fifteen homeruns, 8 outs.  One more out and he gets a "Gold Ball".

9:03 – 16 homeruns including a "Gold Ball".  Good job, David.  I still think Glaus is cuter…but he’s also older and it has been established that I’m an old lady.  πŸ˜‰

9:04 – AJ Pierzynski in the booth when ESPN comes back.  I’m going to need a beer for this.

9:08 – Between getting a beer and moving to a different room…I missed most of AJ.  Thanks, God!

9:09 – Jermaine Dye has his first out.  Showing AJ with his cute little kid doesn’t make me like him any more.  I’m soon hitting the mute button if this keeps up.  Jermaine has 1 homer, 2 outs.

9:10 – SHUT UP AJ!!! SHUT UP AJ!!! SHUT UP AJ!!!!  Dam, it didn’t work.  Jermaine has homer number 2.

9:11 – AJ Pierzynski defending Ozzie Guillen.  Kind of like David Berkowitz defending Ted Bundy.

9:12 – Jermaine has seven homeruns and 8 outs…but you wouldn’t know this if you’re watching the dam derby because AJ Pierzynski is STILL FREAKING TALKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:14 – "Why do I only have 6 homeruns?", AJ asks.  "Because God hates you too!", Cyn answers.

9:15 – Jermaine ends with seven homeruns.  Had you hit more, Jermaine, I wouldn’t be wishing bad things on AJ.

9:16 – Whose great-grandfather is this talking about hitting homeruns?

9:17 – Big Papi is up…he’s wearing his cap "Junior-style"!

9:18 – Papi has his first out…hey there’s a Papelbon sighting!  And Papi has a homerun into the river!  Someone jumped out of a kayak to get this ball.  What the heck is the point of THAT???

9:19 – Papi has hit two into the drink.  They just showed Mark Loretta video-taping Papi.  There ihe is again…what a freaking smile he has on tonight!  Love him….love him.  Okay, I’m done.

9:20 – Three homeruns, four outs.  Harold Reynolds is literally cheering for Papi.  Ah, I hear the Yankees fans now talking about the ESPN bias.

9:22 – Harold Reynolds says "They have everything in this park for the fans".  Except a winning team.  <rimshot>  Thank you…I’ll be here all week.  Try the veal.

9:22b – Joe Morgan is here to tell us how Papi is great but he’s no Johnny Bench.

9:23 – Okay, I made that last one up.

9:23b – Papi sends another one to the whack-job kayakers.  Papi has five homeruns and 7 outs.

9:23c – Okay, who had 9:23pm for "what time Joe starts talking about ‘the Big Red Machine’?

9:24 – Papi has seven and 8 right now…make that 8 and 8…goodbye Jermaine Dye.  That’s for yesterday!

9:25 – Papi has made the next round and is now on the "Gold Ball" that he just crushed into the water again.  Nine and nine, baby!

9:26 – Another homer and Berman says "Pappy" instead of "Papi" yet again.  How white is this guy?  Seriously.

9:26b – Papi has 10 homeruns…way to pace yourself Senor October!  Very nice!

9:27 – Wright 16, Ortiz 10, Cabrera 9 and Dye at 7.  I was wrong, it isn’t goodbye to Dye untilSutc Howard smashes more than 7.  I would have realized that if I hadn’t gone partially deaf from Chris Berman.

9:29 – Is this George Clooney doing the voice-over for Budweiser?  Is he finished solving that thing?

9:34 – Explanation of the "Gold Balls" can be found here.

9:35 – Papi is with Berman and Reynolds.  Don’t look straight into Berman’s eyes, Papi.  Oh good Lord, sitting on his lap is the most adorable child I’ve ever seen!  That must be D’Angelo.  Good gravy he’s adorable!

9:36 – Ryan Howard has two homeruns and six outs.  Make that seven outs.  So much for Big Papi Jr, eh?

9:37 – Oh shut up Harold Reynolds.  Papi just said he wants Manny to be healthy so Reynolds basically slams Manny and says it’s a slap in the face to the fans.  Funny, I STILL haven’t heard any FANS say that…just the media.  Papi just gave a shout out to Willie Harris.  God, I love my team.

9:38 – Ryan Howard has 6 homeruns and nine outs.  HEY today is D"Angelo’s birthday.  Cuteness is overwhelming.

9:39 – Ryan has 7 homeruns and nine outs.  Come on, Ryan, one more to knock out Jermaine.  And there it is.  (Not like I’m bitter from yesterday, eh?)  Four "Gold Ball" homeruns.

9:40 – Ryan has 8 homeruns and will be with Ortiz, Cabrera and Wright in the second round.  The SECOND round?  It’s 9:40pm.  Sheez.  OOH OOH A Bronson Arroyo sighting!!!! Good to know he’s recovered from drowning his sorrows last night!

9:45 – That Big and Rich song sounds much better recorded than it did when they performed it live tonight.

9:47 – Round two.  Or, as I like to call it, the second level of he11.  David Wright has two homeruns and three outs.  My windows are open and I smell a skunk.  Where was the skunk when AJ was on?

9:48 – My mistake.  We’re adding totals.  Wright doesn’t have two homeruns, he has 18.  And 9 outs.

9:49 – David Wright just yelled "Suhk".  Ah, the younguns.  18 homeruns total.  Papi is up next and Bonnie what’s her name is talking to Mark Loretta.  Mark Loretta???  Is he in the Derby?  Why embarrass him?  No one (except me) wants to see Mark Loretta right now.

9:51 – Ooh, "The Players Trust"…I’ll have to look that up.  Nice job, Mark.  Bonnie what’s her name also calls Karl Ravech "Ravie".  I hate ESPN.

9:52 – Papelbon is ‘in the booth’, so to speak.  Papelbon is loads of audio fun.

9:53 – Ravech points to Papi wearing his ‘hat on backwards’ as an example of his ‘personality’.  Papi has two outs, no homeruns.  Karl Ravech took his cousin to his prom, didn’t he?  Three outs for Papi.  My man is a little tired after last night and 10 homeruns tonight, eh?  :-/

9:54 – Man, Papi has five outs and no homeruns.  Ravech thinks it’s because he isn’t spitting into his hands.

9:55 – Papi hits his first homerun and ESPN waits this long to mention Peter Gammons.  Given what I know about aneurysms, I’m pretty sure he isn’t watching.  Papi hits another homerun with seven outs.  Make that eight outs.

9:56 – Kind of a replay of last year’s homerun derby, eh?  Papi only has two additional…make that three on the "Gold Ball"…homeruns and he’s out with 13 homeruns.  David Wright has 18, Papi 13…

10:02 – Miguel Cabrera is up…so to speak.  He has nine…he needs more.  πŸ™‚

10:03 – Must they pick on Cabrera about ‘getting into it with his teammate’, tonight?  Isn’t tonight just about FUN?  Yeesh, people.  Miguel has his first two homeruns.  That gives him 11.

10:05 – Joe Morgan disagrees with the idea that the Home Run Derby messed with Bobby Abreu’s swing last year.  Nice to know Joe knows Bobby’s body better than Bobby does.  Thank you, Doctor Joe! 

10:06 – Cabrera has 6 outs, 3 homeruns.  Make it 4 homeruns (13, really).  If I’m this bored/tired covering this thing, how the heck does everyone there (aside from the participants) feel?

10:07 – Cabrera just hit homerun number 14 and Papi, playing with his son, obviously doesn’t care.

10:08 – Cabrera finishes with 15 homeruns.  David Wright has 18…Papi gets to sit out the next round.

10:09 – "Ravie" points out that it will be an all National League final.  Well, I’m glad they’ll have their fun tonight since tomorrow night probably won’t be so much fun, eh?

10:11 – Ryan Howard has his first homerun and his first out.

10:12 – Phil Garner from my 1979 Pittsburgh Pirates.  πŸ™‚

10:14 – Ryan has six homeruns (totalling 14 homeruns).  Kills me when they start talking about "power" during a competition where they are pitching batting practice balls.  Six outs.

10:16 – Berman and Reynolds are jinxing Ryan Howard.  Phillies fans should storm Bristol tomorrow.

10:17 – "This ball is Kayaking"…there’s a homerun call you don’t hear often.

10:17b – Ryan Howard has 16 homeruns and 8 outs.  Berman and Reynolds want him to stop before the "Gold Ball"…brilliant boys.

10:18 – Howard hits the "Gold Ball" for homerun number 17.  And there is number 18…David Wright has some competition.  (He has 10 in this round)

10:19 – Howard is done.  He and David Wright are the guys in the finals.  Harold Reynolds says ‘there’s a new Papi in town’.  Yes.  Absolutely.  Hitting BP is so  much more impressive than what Ortiz has done in the real games.  Have I written "I hate ESPN" yet tonight?

10:25 – Brilliance from Joe Morgan about how the young guys we’re seeing are the future of the All Star game.  What a call.  Howard and Wright, future All Stars?  Who would guess?

10:26 – I want Wright to win…but I sense Howard is going to win it.  I hope I’m wrong.  πŸ™‚

10:26b – Berman just p1sses off Italian-Americans everywhere.  (By saying "a-meat-a balls")Gotta love it. :-/  Oh, Berman…you’re with Cuoio.

10:27 – I just peeked over at Mark’s blog…I’m glad this thing is more fun in person than on television!

10:28 – David has 3 homeruns and 2 outs.  Ryan Howard is just all nicey nice in the interview.  None of that "Mets must die" stuff I was hoping for.  Too bad.

10:29 – Three and four for Wright.  It’s almost 10:30…I can’t help but think of other things I could be doing tonight.  But no, baseball compels me to watch, even when it’s just the Home Run Derby.

10:30 – Four homeruns, five outs.  Yes, I know home run is two words.  I hate typing it that way.

10:31 – Four homeruns, eight outs. Wright should have totally leaned into that pitch.  Do you get a homerun if you get hit?  Big Papi toweling down David Wright.  Did it just get hot in here?

10:32 – Four homeruns, 9 outs…"Gold Ball" time, baby!  No homerun on the "Gold Ball".  Wright has four.

10:38 – Almost three hours of my life that I can’t get back.  (I kid…I love baseball…I’d probably like this more if it wasn’t on ESPN)

10:39 – One out…he needs five homeruns and has his first…that one went a freaking mile!

10:40 – Does Berman have a list of cities around Pittsburgh that he just throws one out every so often?   Two homeruns, two outs.

10:41 – Bonnie whatsher name looks like she’s about to plant one right on David Wright’s mouth…and who can blame her, really?

10:41 – "Ryan was Rookie of the Year last year – don’t you just hate him?"

10:42 – Two homeruns and five outs.  Yeah, David, the National League representing in the finals of the Home Run Derby totally negates how crappy you all play against the AL.

10:43 – Four homeruns, five outs.  One more homerun and Howard beats Wright again.  :-/

10:44 – Oh God, at least Reynolds warned us that Boomer was going to "take it away".

10:44b – Howard hit the "hit it here" sign!  Has that ever happened before???

10:45 – Okay, I have to admit, that was a pretty cool way to end the Derby.  Congrats, Ryan.

Thanks for hanging out, folks.  You’re definitely troopers! 

Have a great night!

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