Boras is the Man!

Note From Cyn:  Crazy day.  No time to sit down and think of something to write.  Once again, Tru saves my cheese. Enjoy Tru’s twisted take on Scott Boras!

A Day in the Life… Journal of a Sports Mogul

4:40 AM: Phone is ringing and it’s from Alex. Does he not know what time it is in California? Let the machine take the message, I need a cup of coffee and a shower.

5:05 AM: Stocks are down, dollar is weak, and my commissions are about to go up. I love me! Ha!

5:06 AM: Don’t forget to give Manny the new doo-rag and the tickets to La Boheme.

5:07 AM: Mercedes, Land Rover or the Porsche? Are those surfers on my beach?

5:30 AM: Hank is testy this morning. I miss dealing with the old man. At least he didn’t wear mock turtle necks. Must call Brian at home tonight to see if he wants in.

5:31 AM: Alex again. Thank you, Mr. Answering Machine!

5:45 AM: Make a note to have the Globe delivery service canceled. Ever since Curt began his blog, Shaughnessy lost his crown as biggest tool in print.

6:00 AM: Ha! I’m always the first to the office. Make a note to have Arlene send a memo to the staff about that.

6:04 AM: Four messages from Alex. Jesus, this guy’s needier than Lowe.

6:49: Every time I talk to Bud, it’s always the same… What should I do about this? What do you think of that? How should I handle this? Man, why doesn’t Fehr just take the seat? It’s not like anyone doesn’t know. Maybe he needs a new car. Have Arlene call his daughter.

7:05 AM: Staff meeting in conference room B. Jenkins has to go. If he can’t bring decent bagels, there’s just no excuse. I should have brought the Porsche. Tell Arlene to filter Alex until this afternoon.

Matsuzaka is progressing nicely. Allenson suggesting he start complaining about too much media pressure in Boston is premature. Wait until playoffs next year. Meeting scheduled in Yoyogi prefecture in December to discuss Japanese blog.

Tavarez is a problem. Manny never should have rubbed his head. Julian has to understand he cannot randomly rub people’s heads. Send disaster recovery team over to Jet Blue and offer a settlement.

Ellsbury is the diamond in the rough. His stock is rising in Boston. Plans for the Arby are shaping up. This kid is going to pay for a new custom Lear!

Drew is continuing to be a problem. If he has another back episode, it won’t be able to keep him in Boston. Have Arlene arrange for a meeting at the Crystal Cathedral.

Everyone is nervous about the possible suit from Genske. What a dope. That idea has as much of a chance of surviving as Hicks will turn a profit.

God, these people are droning on and on in here. Ah, Parker has the month end numbers, finally. Sweet! We tipped a bit over last quarter. Arrange for a jaunt to Taos this weekend and see if Jason and his girl want to join us.

9:30 AM: Meeting with Manny postponed for an hour. He cannot find the office. I knew we should have picked him up.

10:30 AM: Jenkins to be released this afternoon. The idiot rented Manny a car. Why don’t these people ever do the right thing?

12:09 PM: Manny finally found and on his way.

12:17 PM: Arlene says Alex needs to talk; it’s urgent. Sigh, when isn’t it urgent?

12:38 PM: Manny looks great, and is happy, but I don’t recall promising to pay for his travel expenses. Check with Jenkins before he’s canned.

12:55 PM: Manny does not like the doo-rag. He’s crazy about the theater tickets! Arlene will have Allenson take him to Disney this afternoon for a private showing of Bear Jamboree.

2:00 PM: Alex. Jesus, I hate these calls.

3:58 PM: Alex notes to file… No, changing religion does not influence his contract. Talk to Cashman about Alex leading Yankees onto the field after All Star Game for the rest of the season; Jeter doesn’t care anymore. Make sure Alex understands he cannot make a speech at Yankees home opener; have Arlene send Bosworth to Miami to explain this. I don’t care if he wants to have a baby with Madonna, but his contract does not provide for new housing at the Yankees expense, although it’s a neat idea. No to an appearance on new American Gladiators, or Survivor.

4:12 PM: Memo about refusing Jose Canseco entry to the offices has been distributed. Notify security to have his motorcycle removed from the parking lot.

5:00 PM: Drinks and dinner at 7 are all set with Derek. I think he’ll like Milwaukee. I hope he leaves the face at home.

5:11 PM: Arlene says Alex called two more times.

5:30 PM: Stop by the Ferrari dealership on the way to dinner and buy myself a present! I so love me! Ha!